As I have reflected on the merriment of the season, it has brought me to remember why it is that Christmas is my favorite time of year. I have always had amazing Christmases. It feels like nothing can go wrong...and if something does go wrong it really doesn't matter because it's Christmas. I can remember the magical, and somewhat materialistic moments of Christmas which stand out most to me, like the Christmas morning Santa brought me a my-size Barbie, and the morning I trotted into the living room to find the orange truck with logs on in that I just HAD TO HAVE sitting in the living room.
The pictures and home videos from Christmastime speak a lot to why it has always been so wonderful too. We have a video of every family member opening their Christmas stocking, a favorite of our family, every year for at least the last 22 years (literally my entire life). On days when I don't think it will be too painful, I go back and I watch these videos. I see the smiling faces, the laughter, and I know that the family God sent me into was not a mistake. These are my people. I have always belonged with them and I always will. We change in number and relationship more frequently than I would like. It seems like every Christmas we have said goodbye to one more. On the other side of the same coin, we seem to be adding to our number a new blessing every year, which I have to admit, I love. Having always come from a fairly small family, nothing makes me happier than feeling like we have welcomed another to be a part of us.
There are photos of me in front of our Christmas tree almost every year. As I watch myself age through these photos I see all the phases of life I have gone through in my short life. Ghosts of boyfriends past, shadows of family that have left to be with Jesus, short hair, long hair, matching pajamas, and formal dresses all flash before my eyes. in front of that SAME tree. My family's Christmas tree. This was the 25th and final year for the artificial tree that has adorned the living room of 1914 N 75 W for a quarter of a century. Every time I think about the idea of getting a new tree, it breaks my heart. Why am I so attached to this inanimate object? I think it is because it has been the backdrop, the constant in all these memories. When loved ones have left us, when new people have joined us, whenever the situation at Christmas differed from the year before (which, as I said, was admittedly nearly every year), I could look at that Christmas tree, saturated with homemade ornaments, collectibles, and icicle lights, and KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that Christmas, with my incredible family, was here.
As I say goodbye to our time-honored tannenbaum, I shed a few tears for the physical that is lost, but I will look back at the pictures of that beautiful tree, and smile. After all, laughter through tears is perhaps my favorite emotion. I hope you all had a wonderfully Merry Christmas, and as you ring in 2011, I pray a joyous new beginning, dotted with sweet memories which motivate you to make the next year even sweeter.
Love you all!!!
